The Extraordinary Love

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Father according to Dictionary means “A Male Parent”, “A Founder”, “An Originator”.

The author is forced to go down his memory lane – how is father used to play with him with whatever little time he got out of his frequent travels. Father would bring home sweets, candies, toys, clothes, shoes etc. As a little kid, the joy to see Papa save his beard and he would rub the cream loaf on my little chicks, I would run and he would catch me, would tickle me and I would laugh my heart out. Whenever I fell sick, he would carry me on his shoulders to the doctor, Mom was always there but the twinkle and joy in my eyes would be visible more whenever I saw my Papa. The fact is that my father was a frequent traveler, whenever I was with him my joy would hold no bounds and sitting on his shoulder, I felt like “King of this World”. As a poet said having the shadow of a father is just like a small bird (Kid) flying in his owned sky (Father).

Saying goes that “When being with your father, every toy is yours.”

A Father is someone who generally sacrifices everything necessary to show any love, affection, warmth and passion for upbringing of his kids. He does hard work and labour so that his family especially his children gets all the necessities of life, and his children become something in life and someday he be known to the world through his kids. A father always dreams that his children achieve whatever he could not achieve or failed to achieve, this is not superimposition but he wants his children to succeed where he could not. He always tries to provide the best in the world for his kids. The fact is that a father is the first door before a kid to face the outer world; he is the kid’s mentor, the kid’s hero, super hero, he is there to shield his children from all the problems of the world. We sometimes see him as a person who is very strict and discipline but actually he is the guy who is very emotional, a family person, a child’s strength who is hiding a kid within himself. The kid can be seen in front of his grandchildren.

Actually, A father after spending his own life in hard work, in his older days as a grandfather he visualize his sons growth in his grandchildren. It is a universal truth that a grandfather is more attached to his grandchildren, he always imagines his kids in his grandchildren. A father may deny various stubborn demands of his children but as a grandfather he is kind, compassionate, generous, loving, caring enough to provide the same stubborn demand of his grandchildren. It is said the chemistry of grandfather and grandchild is tough to understand; a grandchild first friend is grandfather.

Now a day’s an alarming situation has given rise, due to various family dispute and breakdown in family particularly divorce the children are being deprived of love and affection of both parents. The children are separated from their fathers due to divorce. 

When dispute arises between the couple’s it is a tendency that the child is with the mother. This is because we are surrounded by various myths. One primary myth being that a child cannot live without a mother, the secondary myth being that a father being a man is tough, he has no emotions and he is not a able person to up-bring a child in a better way as a mother is more caring and nursing.  The myth does not ends here, a father is also devoid to meet his children by the mother believing that it would bring ill effect and effect the healthy growth of a child.

The fact is that a father is a counterpart as a parent; if a mother helps a child in his growing age the father helps the child to understand how the world is and how to face it. He is the person who teaches the child how to mingle and behave with people, importance and scarcity of resources, the joy in sacrifice, importance of team work and practicality of life.

The law makers also understand that a father is a natural guardian but understanding and accepting the same are a two different task.

During a family dispute the child suffers a lot, a child’s innocent self can’t understand the change in scenarios between parents. In 99.9% of instances the children’s are deprived of the father love and affection. A father has to knock at every door just to meet and greet his children. He has to go through prolonged litigations just to get visitation right of his children. The situation turns out to be more alarming because in maximum cases the children are used as weapons against the father.

Even The Hon’ble Courts treats the father just as a provider and not as a human being longing to spend time with his child. A father is expected to provide all the basic necessities of child – Milk, food, school, clothes, transport, etc but nobody understand that something that is most important for the child and father is love for each other, is care for each other. This is not considered and mostly deliberately neglected where fathers are not allowed any visitation of his child, they long even to just have a glimpse of his child anywhere but ALAS! The cruel world forgets to care about father’s love and his wellbeing.

To speak the truth the in present Indian Law it is very tough for a father to meet his children even after he attains the necessary orders from the Ld. Court. A contesting mother to play with the father emotions tries each and every trick so that a father is devoid and deprived of meeting his child. Tricks ranges from making the child sleep at the visitation time of the father, not making the child available with a reason that a child is not well, child is afraid to meet father, leveling frivolous new allegations on the father. A child is misinformed about his father character. Misinformation is to such an extent that a child is made to believe that his father is dead. Unfortunately, the largest democracy of the world does not have a single law of shared parenting, Its ironical but true!

From the above it is very much clear that a mother knows in the back of the mind that a father is a better guardian and children are emotionally attach to their fathers. A father after seeing the poor and tormented conditions of the child, slowly absolve his feeling towards the child so that the child can live in peace. A father is again forced to sacrifice the love for his child for the betterment of his child.

But actually do we try to know what is going within a Fatherless Child mind?

Father in a child’s life plays an important role. Without the active participation and involvement of a father in child’s growing age, the overall growth and development of the child is severely impaired. Numerous studies have shown that most of the childhood problems are either directly or indirectly associated with absence of fatherly affection and love in a child’s life. Monica Lewinsky, Jack the Ripper, Hitler all these were brought up by single mother. Studies have also shown that absence of father in a child’s sphere is associated with teenage pregnancy, drug addiction, depression, and antisocial activity. Later onwards these children also suffer from adjustment disorder. USA is one such prime example. With rising divorce rate and more and more fatherless children the social fabric is lost. The increased number of shooting at schools especially by the disgruntled teens and adolescents are an eye opener to the evil and perilous effects of fatherlessness in a child’s life and it’s social impact. There have been studies revealing that children do not understand the difference of gender. This result in pre-mature sex, pregnancy, the children gets attracted to the same sex – Dr. Ratul Roy (Child Specialist).

We all know that for a child growth, mental health and to keep the innocent self soul protected both parent’s care is needed. Giving child custody to a single mother actually is a hindrance towards a child’s natural growth. In the process the law makers deprives the child to get the love and affection of father and grandparents.  To overcome the effect of Fatherless society or Fatherless Child Generation and Parental Alienation law makers and various organisations who are working for the betterment of children are working on Shared Parenting wherein a father is given custody of child in weekend, in vacations. A father is allowed to regularly meet his children without much hindrance. A lot needs to be done so that a father and child are not deprived of each other love, care and affection.

But a practical question arises Do we remember to give the dues to our father. Do we remember his need, his necessities? Do we show our love to him when we grow up? Actually in our growing/ maturing age as a male parent he is always our second options, we always tend to forget that both parents are equal and both of them do their every bit for our growth, equally pray for our success and in all circumstances want to see their children happy. The fact is that we look up only to our father when our mother can’t provide something. We forget that when we were not mature in our understanding father was the one who would bring joy to our face. He was the one who made us feel like King! Without him I wouldn’t be born, he is my creator and my mother a care taker.

A father carries the load of hardships so that his family can be provided with all the necessities and comforts of the world. For his kids he works hard, so that the kid can get best education and establish himself in life. He covers his kid from all odds and negative forces. He spends his best part of his life in hard work so that his family could thrive.

The bond between a father and child is so strong that when the father comes home tired at the end of the day, just a smile of his child recharges him and he forgets his pains and problems and starts playing with his child. He sways his child, throws him in air and the child still smiles with confidence knowing the fact that his father will never let him/ her ever fall in his life.

So, Let us make it a point not to forget to wish our father “A HAPPY FATHERS DAY” this 17th June 2018. I myself feel shy in front of my father but this time I would surely say to him.…

I love you PAPA, you are my HERO